Uh-Oh

19 Jun

so i haven’t been blogging.

it’s not on purpose.

i’ve been busy. really busy. i don’t even have time to clean my room!

ok, ok… there’s no such thing as not having any time to do stuff… it’s just me being lazy…

ANYhoos… i’ve been doing ok at work. i’ve started dressing up. i’ve started doing my daily facial routine… ok, so it’s not a proper FACIAL but it’s the routine that i used to do… you know… the whole 3-Step Clinique mantra… Cleanse-Tone-Moisturize.

My skin is getting slightly better… but it still need lots of work.

i really need a proper facial.

in case you were wondering about what happened to my 3R june escapade… it all got flushed down the toilet. could not rejuvenate, renew OR relax! what a bummer.

i gotta wait till August to get all that done… oh well, all good things come to those who wait. ūüôā

i made a new friend at work. she’s a new staff and so that’s why she’s a new friend. she is the reason why i’ve started dressing up and putting in an effort to look good.

why? cos she dresses up and she emits that kinda aura.

also, i’ve been watching Eat, Pray, Love alot.

i realised that i’m kinda like liz (who doesn’t end up feeling that way after watching that movie???) and well… i realized that i too have no pulse. i have lost all desire to do all the things that i used to love. i used to love shopping, reading, talking to friends, walking and so much more… now i want to do is sleep. if i could sleep the whole day, i would. i used to enjoy sports and going to the gym. i used to love doing homey things like laundry and cleaning and cooking…¬†i used to take pride in keeping my things organized… now i’m always just so tired and lazy. i have really lost the passion for life.

i’ve been drowning myself with work. work at the office, work in the nite, work at home! i just drown myself in all this work so that i don’t think about the real things that bother me. i work till i get so tired that i can go to sleep in an instant and stay up all nite tossing and turning in bed.

eventhough i do get myself so tired and just fall asleep instantly… i still end up waking up in the middle of the nite, restless and struggling to get back into la-la land.

my cafe venture has been on a long hold as well. i got too much to do at work right now that i don’t have the time to do my research and proposal. my so-called partner has also been so busy with his new job that we haven’t had the time to sit down and talk about stuff as well.

i definitely want to open up this cafe though.

suddenly i want to study again too.

i have so many things that i want to do and it all needs so much money… money which i wish i had. money that i wish i could just get by kicking a tree and having it drop to the ground! hahaha.

oh well.

there’s only 1 thing left to do….

i gotta start pushing myself and working on my self-motivation again!!

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Oh Deary Me…

12 Jun

i’ve been a bad, bad girl~

i have not blogged in weeks!! this is horrible!

it does however show that i’ve been extremely busy with work…and life! haha.

nothing really exciting has happened since my last entry. got a lot more focussed on work. i’ve been tasked to sit by the loading bay on my stock transfer days to ensure that everything comes and goes in A-OK condition and that whatever that is supposed to come in, COMES in! today is the first day of this new task and i am beat.

also, they have decided to be more strict with the dress code at work… looks like i gotta start being the executive that i am and start dressing the way i used too! bah! i got so used to dressing down… so now i guess i have to start digging out all my office wear again… bleargh. this also means that i got to get new threads! i can’t be using last, last, LAST seasons outfits right??? *faint*

guess i now know what i gotta do with my vouchers tomorrow! somebody’s going shopping!! ūüôā

my cafe is on hold yet again. haiz. i really do not have the time nor energy to do anything after work. i haven’t been cooking or cleaning. which brings me to today’s event. i was carrying out my rubbish (it’s been sitting in my room for a week! i know. gross!) and i suddenly felt something crawling on my foot… i looked down… and there it was… a small tiny maggot! i was like, hmm… how did that get there?? then i looked at my rubbish bag… ohmygawd. there were maggots EVERYWHERE!! thank goodness i’m not the squimish kind and i just held on to the bag till i got down to the rubbish dumping spot and THREW the bag as far as i could!

i am NEVER leaving rubbish in my room for so long again! gross.

now i gotta go home and scan the floor in search of renegade maggots.

i’m so tired right now that all i wane do is sleep… but i’m hungry… so i gotta cook.

i also gotta do my laundry.

then there’s housekeeping.

bleargh.

oh well, as my manfriend says… it’s training…and it’s what women are supposed to do! can’t believe he said that.

 

oh bloody hell!

29 May

Crap. I have not been blogging. I’ve been really busy with work and stuff. I try to sneak in some time to write something, but I’m never able to!

A lot has happened over the past week. I’ve begun to be more focused with my work (though I still have a few slip ups here and there). I’ve been taking the bus to work everyday (mostly cos I’m broke!) but I’m later than ever everyday! Haha!

My cafe planning has been non-stop…in my brain! Need to start putting the thoughts to paper!

I really can’t wait to start up this business. A friend of mine wants to join me in this business venture of mine… I don’t know how to tell her no. I just don’t feel comfortable with it and I have already expressed this to her. She doesn’t seem to get it however. I am 100% confident that we will have many disagreements cos if I want something done my way, I want it MY way.

Both of us are really hard headed and she’s just like me. On top of that, she’s extremely competitive and she too, like me, will always want things her way.

We’re going to have an informal meeting one of these days. I am really dreading it! I’m just gonna allow her to speak and listen to what she has to say…though I know I will still say no to her.

Sometimes you just know. I always believe in my gut instincts and my gut is telling me it’ll be a huge ass mistake to do business with her.

I never want to mix friendship with business. Heck, I don’t even want to mix family with business. It’s too dangerous!!

June…

22 May

So I’m on my way to work now.. In the bus listening to The Cure <3.

I was sitting in my room the other night, looking at my face… I saw how horrid I look ever since I stopped taking care of myself! "This has to change!" I told myself.

Then I decided… June shall be my Re-invention month! I shall Rejuvenate, Renew and Relax!

I've planned a wonderful holiday to Langkawi, Malaysia, with my cousin (who has decided to bring her mum along! The more the merrier I guess!). I'm also gonna schedule for my facial and I'm gonna get my image back! I'm gonna get my curls back!! I've missed my curls so much!

So….
Rejuvenate – Facial!
Renew – Perm!
Relax – Langkawi!

I can't wait for June to arrive!!

Exciting!!

Video

Call it What You Want!!! It’s the Weekend!!!

19 May

Foster the People! Fell in love with them when I was in Jakarta last year!!
Enjoy the Weekend people!!!

The Weekend….is not Coming…

18 May

so, today was my day off… spent the whole morning sleeping! woke up at about 12pm and got ready for my visit to my brother… i hate sleeping too much.. i always end up having a massive body ache and i become lazy the whole day..

anyway, my brother looked so sad when i went to visit him today. i know that he’s still upset about his ex’s passing.. had to get his spirits up and get him laughing… but it didn’t work.. suddenly he asked about my sister and dad… guess a death really makes a person think about all the things one has done and in his case… all the things that he will miss… like funerals.. weddings and births…

i waited so long for my brother to clear his name so that i could have him around when i get married… and now, not only will he not be around for my wedding, but he won’t even be around when i give birth to my kids… my kids won’t be able to grow up having him around… i mean, by the time he gets out, my kids will most probably be in the teens… the most important thing though, is that he’ll still be around… too bad he won’t get to meet my husband.. haha. people with prison records can’t go for visits… but i’m sure family members would be ok right?

oh well!

right now i’m just wishing this damn period would come fast! i’ve been eating like a pig. my mood is horrible – one day i’m a happy camper and the next day i’m a depressed dolphin! it’s unbearable!! i’m bloated, my breasts hurt and i’m so damn HOT!!! i just want it to come and go already. seriously!!

so i started this entry at about 9pm…and now it’s 12.30am! got a little sidetracked… started writing a letter to the manfriend.

today (or yesterday) was a very random day. after visiting my brother, i went to my manfriend’s house ‘cos my MIL called me over to have lunch… omg. her rendang. fantastic. then she gave me epok-epok telur and marble cake that my SIL made… omg. [in case u’re wondering, no, i’m not married yet… but it’s easier to just refer to them as in-law’s since well, we are getting married eventually… with God’s will… :)]. then lil Rifque decided to get up just as i was about to leave….so sad… he had the most adorable look on his face as i was about to leave… and in his cute lil baby voice he asked me where was i going…. broke my heart that i had to go home… but i knew if i didn’t, i would still be at their place right now listening to all his 3 sisters shouting one after another at Rifque… this lil boy is very naughty!

ok. so what is this entry about? i have no idea. just a random post.

goodnyte!

Day 2!

14 May

So much for setting out on a new journey! i woke up late for work today… AGAIN! i have no idea how that happened! i woke up to find my alarm on my bed next to me instead of on my side table where it should have been.
I must have switched the alarm off while i was still asleep and thus leading to me being late for work.

At least i managed to put on a good outfit for the start of the week! hahaha!

i didn’t however get to do the things i was supposed to. i didn’t manage to clear my paperwork. i didn’t manage to follow up on the jobs that have been pending since last week. i didn’t get to finish my accessories stocktake either!

i had no idea there were so many accessories in the damn bloody showroom.

oh well.

i did manage to speak to my dad over dinner about my ideas for the cafe… he was very supportive and gave me very positive comments. i was so impressed by the way i managed to sell the idea to him. made me sound so smart. hahahaha!

i have never thought of myself as smart cos well, my step brother no. 2 is the genius of the family, and step brother no. 3 is not too genius but still considered smarter than me. so well, i never thought of myself as smart… eventhough i am… heh.

oh well. my self esteem and ego has gone through the roof!

i am a happy camper today.

i shall sleep with a smile on my face =)

goodnite y’all!!

Organising Needed!!

13 May

a sneak peak at the current state of my desk at work! i need to get things sorted out pronto!!

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love, by St. Augustine

13 May

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

A New Beginning…

13 May

Hi, my name is Sharmila. Sharmila Rockey.

My colleagues call me Sha.

My long time friends call me Rockey.

My new friends call me Mila.

I just turned 27 last month.

Seeing that it’s another 3 (short) years till i hit the big 3-0, I have decided to do something about my oh-so-mundane life thus far! I have set a list of things that I would like accomplish by then.

Before i go on and list down all my dreams and goals, I shall just let you in on a little history of my life…and when I say little… I really mean little… like say… the past year! So here it is…

I finally moved out of my dad’s place. I’ve been living on my own now for almost a year. I know some of you may find it extremely late in life to be living on my own but hey, it’s not that normal in Singapore for the kids to move out… we normally get out of the house only once we’ve gotten married… and the only reason for that is ‘cos we’re only allowed to buy a house of our own when we’re married… and rental in Singapore is crazy pricey!!

Anyhoos, it’s almost coming to a year of me living on my own and boy has it been an experience. The laundry. The grocery shopping. The housekeeping. Oh, the housekeeping. I’m not even in a big space! I live in a small common room! I do however have ALOT of stuff! I’ll show the state it’s in now soon… Don’t want to¬†traumatize¬†you guys too much!

On top of me moving out, my boyfriend is serving a 5 1/2 year sentence in prison for drug addiction. Yes, that’s right. Of course, a 5 1/2 year sentence is later cut down to a 3 1/2 year sentence. Therefore, he will be out by 2014. Not too bad. Just got another 2 years to go. =)

A few months after that, my brother got nabbed for drug trafficking. oh the horror! I was absolutely devastated when I got that phone call from his girlfriend at 4am! I was so angry at him and I just cried like baby.

Eversince then, my life turned upside down. I have been off the rails for the longest time and was unable to get in order.

To top of things, my dad and step mom got into a huge¬†argument¬†and she actually asked for a divorce. She wanted to leave my 62 year old father! I was, and still am, extremely angry with her and her whole family. The have since reconciled and are still together. I, however, have not forgiven her and her entire family. I have not seen any of them since. It has been 7 months. I just can’t bring myself to see them as it was the final straw. They have been tormenting me and my siblings for far too long. They can do shit to me, but not my dad. I do not know just yet when will I be able to forgive them.

So there it is. My rollercoaster of a life in the past year.

This led me to deciding that I HAVE to do something with my life and get everything back in order! I’m 27 for goodness sake! I need a plan. I need goals and ambitions in my life again. I need to get back on track!

Since my birthday, I have listed down a few things I want to achieve before I turn 30. Here it is.

1. Become a good muslim. The number 1 on my list. I need to stop all my nonsense and ¬†concentrate of serving my main purpose of life on this earth. Insya’Allah.

2. Open my own cafe. Something new. Something different.

3.¬†Travel to all the places I dreamt of seeing. – Greece, Italy, Amsterdam, Iceland, Norway, Spain, Ireland…

4. Get married!! (hahaha! of course, I’ll have to wait for Mr H to get out of prison!)

Those are my big dreams of course. I have little goals and ambitions too. Something to achieve NOW!

1. Get my life in order!

2. Organise my work and home.

3. Stabilise my financial situation followed by learning to start making good financial decisions.

4. Be more focused at work and prove to everyone that I AM the best worker (in my field at work… which is basically just me!)

5. Spend more time with family and close friends.

6. Be more supportive of Mr H and don’t screw around!!

7. Love myself. =)

Alritey then. I hope that with this blog I’ll be able to motivate myself and ease my oh-so-tensed up mind. This shall be my space to let out frustration, sorrow and happiness.

Till tomorrow.

May God Bless Us All!

xoxo